Friday, May 20, 2016

Fibromyalgia/I've been thinking

I've been thinking a lot lately about a statement that was said to me.

"You're not very nice when you're in pain"

The problem is, I'm always in pain.  Thank you Fibro.
So, that means that I'm never nice.  And that really sucks.  Because I try to hide it, but I guess it just is who I am now.  I. Am. Mean.  That is now part of my character.  And I have to learn to accept it, much like I've had to accept and work within the bounds of my Fibro itself.

This isn't how I used to be.  I used to be able to do things.  Normal things.  I used to be a relatively nice person (I thought).  I used to...

If "used to" were wishes, I would have wishes to spare.  But, they aren't, I'm don't, and I need to deal.

That sucks.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

I wanna know the story

Every Sunday, I read the Post Secret blog. And sometimes it makes me feel hopeful. Simetumes it makes me feel whistful. But mostly it makes me feel curious.

When I come across a secret that is profound, or resonates, with me I can't help but wonder if their curcumstances are similar, worse or better than what would cause me to write that statement.
I wonder if, for instance, this person is talking about losing people via death or by loss of friendship, or by loss of lovers.  What did they learn? Does it get easier? Harder?  Do they regret the parting or do they wish they had made it sooner?  What drove them to write that statement?  Did they lose a child, perhaps?  Did they part with a close friend? Or did a part of them die inside that they're saying goodbye to?  So many different scenarios. So many different meanings.  So many different things that could be learned.

The statement is vague, but it resonates with me for some reason.  Probably because of all the possibilities that it could mean.