Wednesday, February 4, 2015

The episode wherein I wasn't enough

In November 2014, I found out that i was to be layed off in January 2015. Although, my initial thought was to chronical the emotions and effects that this had on me, I ultimately decided against it at the time. But, I still warred with myself over that decision.  Today, the writing faction of my psyche won.

Because today I feel betrayed.  I know that I will ultimately land on my feet.  But, knowing that doesn't make it easier to know that my parking space has been taken, my keys re-distributed, and my office to (eventually) be repurposed. Today, I know that it was my skillset that wasn't valued.  And what am I, if not my skillset?

This isn't a startling revelation. It has come to me before. But, now that everything is finalized in this divorce from my 17yr marriage to my job, it hurts more. To know that I wasn't enough. And it feels like -although I always stretched beyond my capacity - I, ultimately, couldn't be molded into the employee that they wanted/needed.

And that, my friends, is why it feels more like a failed relationship, and less like a layoff.  So, I am going to post this old photo I took of a rainbow outside my house, to remind me that I shouldn't care that I wasn't enough. Because it's a rainbow. Just go with it, people.