Friday, February 5, 2016

Enough

I read this today and thought that it sounded so familiar.  Any time I look at my goals, they're always just to be "enough."  Enough of a mother, enough of a woman, enough of a person, on and on and on.

It was comforting to see that someone else addressed it too, and in such an elegant way.

One of my thoughts about the article as I read it was that chronic illness warriors tend to have different standards of "enough" than others do.  A normal person's every-day normal functions are a huge accomplishment for chronic illness warriors.  

On good days, my "enough" can include working at my job, grocery shopping, prolonged walking, etc.  But on a bad day, I consider it a victory to get out of the bed at all.  It's amazing if I can make it to the bathroom or kitchen to get items to care for my illness flare.  

My challenges are different than other chronic illness warriors.  Some would consider standing a victory.  Others would consider not having a migraine (or less of one) a great day.  And others would be over the moon if they could simply wear their shoes without pain, or their wedding rings without having knuckle swelling issues to combat.

Anyway, just putting this out there to know that someone else out there is thinking that mediocre is still "enough" and that's okay.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

What Fibromyalgia is to me

People with fibro have all different sorts of symptoms. I wanted to make a list of what my particular pain feels like. Feel free to say in the commentsts what your fibro is to you.


  • The cloth on my pants rubbing against the top of my foot, causing it to "burn" ot have an electric hum to it.
    My finger "look" fine. But they aren't.
  • My hands feeling like they are fat and bloated to the point where i cant bend them, but nothing looks wrong with them. They just feel huge and uncooperative. But they look perfectly normal.
  • My head and hands especially, but my whole body feels tiny and fragile, like it could so easily snap and break.
  • Feeling as if my whole body is bruised. But it isn't
  • Walking on fire, or needles, or numbness in toes. Also, the feeling of having blisters on my feet where there are none. (This was my first symptom)
  • Inability to complete a sentence, thought, or action.
  • Lack of focus and motivation (probably a lack of motivation due to shit being done wrong when i do it, or being incomplete if i do).
  • Inability to hold my anger. I will snap at a moments notice, and it is because my patience has been exhausted with trying to be publicly nice while in pain at work or social events that I can't postpone.
  • Severe fatigue. Like "can't keep eyes open while driving" fatigue.  I mean "it's one more exit, hold it together. Body doesn't care, you better stop now," fatigue.
  • Jumpy legs wont let me sleep without drugs.
  • Insomnia either to do with jumpy legs or for a different or non reason.
  • Self respect plummeting as you realize you cant do anything for yourself.
  • Tingling or numbness in extremities, and on one side vs the other, or top half vs bottom, or any combo at any given time.
  • Everything is more sensitive. If you tap me on the arm or shoulder i will scream at you while cowering from that touch.
  • Phantom nerve pain. There is nothing there, but it feels like the same pain as the pants (see bullet one). Seriously, it happens in my hands and there is nothing there. No fabric. Nothing. 
  • Phantom stab.  Just like above, except my nerves think they are being stabbed, instead of electrocuted.
  • I cant get warm.  I am fecking freezing.  
  • I dont want to move. Seriously. If i can find a position where i dont feel like i am being electric shocked or stabbed, or anything, I wont want to move until it is absolutely necessary for me to do so.  This causes me to be late for everything, when i am always punctual any other time.   I dont want to move. Dont make me. Please, tell me i dont have to do whatever it is that is going to cause me to move.  I dont want to adult. Oh i WILL, but no one is going to be happy about it.
  • Extreme sensitivity to hot or cold. Unless it is luke-warm, it's either fire or ice.
  • Feeling claustophobic.  Maybe this goes ba k to painful touch.
I may think of more later. But this is everything I've had this week.