Wednesday, February 4, 2015

The episode wherein I wasn't enough

In November 2014, I found out that i was to be layed off in January 2015. Although, my initial thought was to chronical the emotions and effects that this had on me, I ultimately decided against it at the time. But, I still warred with myself over that decision.  Today, the writing faction of my psyche won.

Because today I feel betrayed.  I know that I will ultimately land on my feet.  But, knowing that doesn't make it easier to know that my parking space has been taken, my keys re-distributed, and my office to (eventually) be repurposed. Today, I know that it was my skillset that wasn't valued.  And what am I, if not my skillset?

This isn't a startling revelation. It has come to me before. But, now that everything is finalized in this divorce from my 17yr marriage to my job, it hurts more. To know that I wasn't enough. And it feels like -although I always stretched beyond my capacity - I, ultimately, couldn't be molded into the employee that they wanted/needed.

And that, my friends, is why it feels more like a failed relationship, and less like a layoff.  So, I am going to post this old photo I took of a rainbow outside my house, to remind me that I shouldn't care that I wasn't enough. Because it's a rainbow. Just go with it, people.


  1. Ok. Pity party is over. NEVER EVER let any one make you feel less than you are, especially an employer.

    1) It's business, it's not personal.
    2) While they may have decided not to invest in your skills at this time or didn't see the potential that is you, that's their loss.

    This is an opportunity to step away from a job that may have been limiting you and your development.

    Use this time to rediscover you. Find a job with a company that appreciates you and the skills you bring to the table.

    It's out there. You'll get there. You'll land on your feet and you'll look back and see that this was the best thing that ever happened to you.

    You might be inclined to send that old boss who made this decision a thank you note for pushing you out and giving you the chance for a much better opportunity.

    1. I know that at my core. But still feel the failure associated with the loss.
      I know that I am better off now, and mostly revel in the possibilities and excitement. But the "not enough" theme keeps cropping up in my life. So, i am trying to find the sense of it. Is it correlated? Would there be anything i could have done in this situation? Etc... The blog was more a free-flow thought.

      Love you!! :-)