Sunday, July 19, 2015

What to do, what to do...

After a ridiculously difficult week, complete with a Charlie-Sheen-like breakdown, I stand on the other side realizing that I haven't been this depressed since my mother died.

What I wonder is, should I attempt to see someone and medicate my way out of everything looking like, tasting like and feeling like ash. Or should I just pull through like I did then?  Am I strong enough to do it again?  Can I hope to reinvent myself on my own? Am I even going to like the person I become? I loved the old me.  I don't like me right now. What will I become?

I feel hopeless, lost, bitter and resigned.  One thing is very certain: when I finally DO like me again, I will never EVER let anyone change me again. Because there is NO reason in the world that I should ever have to rebuild myself the way I am going to have to now.

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