Sunday, December 30, 2018

2918 Wrap Up - What I've Learned

I'm pretty proud of how much I read this year.  It was at least 75 books this year.  Since my hard drive crashed last week, I don't have the exact number (I thought it was in the 80's).  But I know it was at least 75.  One of the best things about reading this year, was reading on the train to Vienna about a story set in Vienna.  Excellent.

Important things I learned this year; some of them the hard way:

  • No matter how much you give your time and love, if someone doesn't see your value or appreciate your love, then that love and time it is not spent wisely, no matter how much fun you're having in the process.  If that person doesn't appreciate you, there will be nothing you can do to make them.  So, stop trying.  (I should have learned this with the wasband, but alas, it seems I needed to learn it again).  I will not be re-learning this lesson again.  I plan to keep it this time.  I'm tired of heartbreak.
  • Flexibility is still important to me.  More important than money.  Time well spent is worth more than a better paycheck.  I may never see all the things I want to see in life, but I won't be stressed out.  And I'm happy enough to see the things that I can..
  • My two best friends are the best family I've ever had.  I don't have to worry about them not being there for me.  I don't have to question their loyalties.  I don't have to worry they'll turn their backs on me at any point in time.  And they're always there to support my drama.
  • Despite not having a religious bone in my body, I am spiritual and appreciate it when people say they'll pray for me.  Anytime anyone is thinking of me is precious time to me.  The fact that I cross their minds is so appreciated.  
  • I still love all the things I've always loved:  Marshmallows, Tea, Octopus & Jellyfish, Dinosaurs, Dragons, Warmth, Hockey, Extravagant Popcorn, Curse of Oak Island (I'm convinced they've already found the treasure, but History Channel is milking it for multiple seasons), The smell of books, especially in a bookstore
    .  But I've picked up a few more things to love (or rediscovered my love for them):  Soft (but not chenille) socks on a cold day, Bright eyeshadow to perk your day up, Dirty Football Commentary, Old Architecture, Trains, Agatha Christie (rediscover), Dorothy L Sayers (new to me). 
  • I forgot how much I liked to cook and bake.  I shouldn't let my passion for it get overwhelmed by everything else going on in life.
  • Sometimes your best won't be enough.
  • I am okay with me.  I don't need to transform into something else.  I can be better versions of myself every day without pushing myself to do something new or do something I don't like to become accustomed to it.  I can do things I like, and things that I've never done that actually interest me instead of trying everything once.  I have learned to say "no" instead of "maybe"
  • I have 2 people who love me unconditionally.  I'm still searching for the 3rd.  
  • I am irritating to the wrong people.  Find those people and avoid them.
  • I should trust my instincts, instead of suppress them.  They have never been wrong, and I don't know why I constantly try to make them conform to what my mind thinks they should be.  This, I'll still probably work on, as I've been saying this to myself for years.
  • More people than I thought are stupider than I give them credit for.  
  • I'm stupider than I give myself credit for.  I submit all of my decisions during 2018 and late 2017.
  • We've all survived year 1 of #45.  It's been awful, but if we survived it, we may be able to survive anything.  Including the eventual nuclear holocaust.  (Just have to remember that Chernobyl survivors were the ones that were drunk at the time)
  • I'm picky about my floss.  I guess I'm picky about a lot of things.  But I can't floss unless it's a certain type.  (gawd, I'm weird)  
  • I should tell people to fuck off more.
  • I love my Dad.and my cousin Corrie.  They're the best family a girl could ask for!
  • My cat is weird.  He taught himself how to play fetch over Christmas break.  Weirdo.  But, adorable weirdo.
  • I should keep my default state set at apathy.  Unless I see something or someone cool, I'm not going to fake happiness.  Shouldn't be hard...I just need a picture of an octopus or dinosaur to make me happy.  My resolution is to be less impressed by everything unless it really makes me happy.
I'm sure I've learned more, but none of it is more important than the floss thing.

Friday, December 14, 2018

What I want for my new year - 2019

I want to find a partner who doesn't view me as an obstacle to their happiness.  I want to be loved as an asset to their life, not an irritating detriment.  Once I find this person, I am convinced I would make a decent, loving partner.  I just have to find someone who values me instead of devaluing me and our relationship.

Many have left for this same reason.  But, somewhere there must be someone who views me as I am.

That is all I want for Christmas and New Years.  Just that one wish for next year.  Happiness and a worthy partner to share it with. 

Oh...and one more thing, universe.  I want someone who isn't going to project their unhappiness with themselves onto me and our relationship.  That would be great.

*******************************************************************

Update:  oh...and universe, one more thing:  I'd like a pony while I'm wishing for shit.  And that pony has been on the list WAAAAY longer than this pipedream I've listed here.  In fact, by now, I've outgrown the pony and need a full-sized horse.  So, get on that, universe.